Goodbye, Babies

I found something the other day that made my eyes well.

It was one of Franklin’s unused newborn diapers and about the size of my hand. I couldn’t believe how small it was. Did my baby really once fit that teeny tiny little diaper? I found myself in a daze thinking of the times when our baby fit that diaper. Easily nestled on my chest, full of coos and grunts, and smelling that perfect newborn smell, he was completely dependent on me for everything.

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So very tiny.

It then got me thinking about my time before kids. The time when I would imagine how many kids I might have one day. What genders they might be. What my favorite names were. What they would look like.

Fast-forward to after my wedding day and the window to have a baby was now open. A time I had always thought about, wondering what it would feel like to grow a baby in my tummy. A thought I just couldn’t fathom.

Our first pregnancy was full of excitement as we experienced each stage with our baby girl. Feeling the nausea, the first baby flutters, the hiccups, the full-blown jabs to the ribs; while not always pleasant, each phase was appreciated.

And our second pregnancy, not too long after the first, was equally exciting knowing we were having a little boy and I felt all the feels once again.

And then came the third and final pregnancy, this time not finding out the gender. This one was full of emotion knowing it was our last. And when our little baby boy came, he started growing so quickly as we lived our busy lives.

And now his second birthday is approaching and he’s saying all the words, running everywhere he goes and getting into everything that opens, spills, drops or breaks.

He is no longer a baby.

My baby is no longer a baby.

I have no more babies. No REAL babies.

And I will never have another baby.

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Just like that, the phase of my life that I had spent all of those years pondering and dreaming about is now over.

Never will I grow another baby inside my tummy.

Never will I nourish a baby with my body.

Never will I fall asleep on the couch with my baby nestled in my neck.

And this thought makes my eyes water and my nose sting. Because just like that, it has ended.

We are now a unit and moving onto the next phase of our lives as a family of five. For this, I am incredibly thankful and I am excited for what is to come next. I really am.

And yes, my children will always be my babies. I still call each of them “baby” from time-to-time, too, and will continue to do so until asked not to.

But there’s still that part of me that can’t believe the baby phase is forever gone.

Newborn Blog-38It all happened so fast.

Comments

  1. I’d imagine it’s hard to think about this new phase and how you won’t have any more newborns. But you’re right, all your kids will always be your baby!

    -Lauren

  2. Anonymous says:

    Wow! Life happens so fast! We must cherish all moments, even then not so fun ones! Thank you for sharing, and for making me tear up this morning! Kaitie

  3. They really do grow fast, my son just turned four and I was still asking myself how did the time go by so fast. But onto the next phase which you will still cherish and make more memories.

  4. My youngest just turned 6. I am really feeling this too! I try to remind myself of all the pluses of being out of the baby phase when I start to feel sad about no more babies. It works about half the time!

  5. That must be such a hard thing to comprehend. Thinking about you!

  6. So bittersweet. I’m a nanny and I’ve watched several of “my babies” grow up. I love them so much and love seeing them grow and their personalities flourish, but I love looking back at pictures of me and them when they were so tiny. I can’t wait to be taking care of another little one in a few months.

  7. This seems so far away to me!! I’m 33 weeks pregnant with our first and still feeling all the “new mom” anticipation. But what a sweet post, I know I’ll blink and I’ll be in this same place and feel this same way!

  8. I am just at the beginning of this journey with my first who is (already!!!) seven weeks old. I am savoring every moment. And this post was the perfect reminder to do so even more. <3

  9. SO fast. Every stage is precious. Every stage has new and fun things about it, but I will ALWAYS miss my babies. I love babies!! I try to get my fix of babies whenever I can ; )

    • It’s just so crazy that the babies are all gone over here! But you are right, I can get my fix elsewhere when I need it!

  10. This is so sweet and tender. Each phase of life comes and goes and the best thing we can do is appreciate and savor!

  11. Aww this is so incredibly sweet and bittersweet. I don’t have kids yet, but it just is a great reminder to savor ever moment, because they will pass us by.

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