It’s Okay Not to Cherish Every Minute

With Franklin being nearly six months old now, I hear all too often how I need to “cherish every minute, it goes by fast!”

And while that may be true in many instances, it just makes me think back to when our first-born was a baby and how the days were looooooong and hard. And you know what, I didn’t cherish every minute.

Our first-born’s infancy was difficult. There was a lot of baby crying. Therefore, there was mama crying, too. There was a lot of trying everything we as parents could think to do in order to console our baby. We spent numerous hours in the dark bathroom wasting gallons and gallons of water because our baby found the sound soothing. We spent countless minutes in the cool night air because the shock of the cold was enough distraction for a little while. We logged miles and miles of walking around our little home holding our baby like a football because that was the only way she wanted to be held.

And we didn’t dare sit down.

There were days when I had to give myself little pep talks; “Just get through the day.  Just. get. through. this. day. One day at a time.” And then the day would end, and I would tell myself the same thing the next day, too.

Infancy isn’t always full of smiley, giggling, cuddly, SLEEPING babies. It’s sometimes full of inconsolable, teething, shrieking babies that need every ounce of of one’s attention. It can be downright exhausting.

And the guilt that comes along with it all can be just as daunting. The guilt over not being able to console your baby. The guilt over not basking in all that is motherhood. Or the guilt over wanting a break.

I just want to tell you, mama, that it’s okay. It’s okay not to love every second of motherhood. It’s okay not to love every day, either. Heck, it’s okay not to love every stage. It’s also okay to wish days would go by faster, and it’s okay to want, or even need, a break.

Am I thankful for each one of my babies? Beyond comprehension. Without a doubt.

But no one likes to be screamed at, or to work so hard at trying to solve a problem that only time will solve. Or to attempt functioning off only a few hours of sleep. So it’s okay to not cherish every second.

You may even find yourself thinking, “We could never have another baby.”

And then some time passes and suddenly… those long, hard hours are a thing of the past and the joys are in abundance. And before you know it you have two more babies because the times that used to bring tears and exhaustion pale in comparison to the years of utter joy.  

Just know, that in most instances, it will get better. 

The baby will start crying less. Seeping more. Nursing less often. Smiling. Giggling. Cooing. Interacting.

And while my babies have gotten easier each time,  I still remember those difficult times and am aware that other moms may be going through them, too.

The same goes for any phase of motherhood. Toddlerhood. Tweens……..Teenagers…..

Whatever situation you find yourself in, just know that it’s okay not to love it all. Give yourself some grace.

You are still a wonderful mom. And your baby is lucky to have you.

Newborn-Blog-50

Photo by Glimpse Photography 

Comments

  1. Oh this is such a wonderful post…something many mamas need to hear!

  2. This is a great post, not just for motherhood but for life in general. We’re told to cherish every moment, love the life we live and live it to the fullest. While that all sounds wonderful, it’s a fact of life that it’s not always going to be perfect and even the things that bring us the most joy can be incredibly difficult. Great reminder!

  3. It’s weird because with my oldest two, it went by in such a blur and honestly? I don’t remember any of the snuggling. I mean, I know it happened, but I don’t remember actually doing it. So when I had Penelope, seven years after I had Jackson, I was DETERMINED to soak in every single second. The good, the bad, the ugly, the blowouts, all of it. But now she’s going to be one on Friday, and I’m due with baby 4 in August and you know what? I realized, after seeing someone with a newborn, I don’t remember those snuggles. And it JUST HAPPENED. It’s so strange how I can remember bizarre things but the things I want to remember? Poof. Gone. So yeah, it’s hard to cherish it. Sometimes it’s just about getting through the day without crying.

    • I totally agree, sara! With Franklin being my last baby, I am trying to focus more on being in the moment, but sometimes I am just plain tired!

  4. This is so authentic. I love posts like this when people aren’t afraid to admit that not every single moment of life is full of glitter and rainbows. PERFECTION. Thanks for being real.

  5. Christina Peterson says:

    I think its a wonderful reminder. As I look at my “babies” 7,8, and 11. I remember all the hard times through infancy, through the toddler years, through school starting, and now getting ready for middle school, for heartbreak and for the rest of life. I get teary eyed because although those moments were hard, and exhausting and left me wondering if I was doing a good job; I am able to look back and smile because the good moments for sure out weigh the bad. The “Firsts” and now I am facing some of the “lasts” the hugs, the kisses the “mommy I had a bad dream”. I wouldn’t trade a minute. As they grow and develop their personalities and you realize you did a good job, you raised a great kid and at the end of the day you are an amazing Mommy. Keep up the good work. Thank you Shannon.

    • There are so many ups and downs all throughout motherhood! So many reasons to cry and so many reasons to smile. It’s all quote the journey and we are lucky to be a part of it! Keep up the good work too, mama!

  6. Told you I would be reading this! I enjoyed it, and could use a pep-talk like this with Zach on a daily basis. I sometimes feel like he was given to the wrong mother… Surely there’s someone out there more patient than me, more fit to deal with a constant whiner/crier/hitter/pusher/breaker. Surely there is! I am spent. But I know he is teaching me how to be more selfless, more loving, less embarrassed about what other’s think… because when I’m checking out with a full cart of groceries and he is TANTRUMING, and Im not even acknowledging it, well, that takes a certain level of “lack of pride” that I wouldn’t have been able to muster just a few years ago. And he HAS only gotten easier! The best is yet to come. :) Nice to hear that everyone has had their own hard days!

    • Everyone absolutely has their ups and their downs. Some may happen in infancy, some in toddlerhood, and some may have terrible teens! We are definitely not alone in this motherhood journey! You are providing Zach a loving, safe, and secure childhood that one day he will absolutely thank you for! Everything you are doing with him now is paying off, even if some days it is just keeping him alive! Keep it up, mama!

  7. Great post! I’ll admit to beating myself up for not enjoying every moment a lot more than I probably should. I think that worry about it is totally normal, and am glad to have another mom share in the struggle!

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