I don’t know how.
And I don’t know exactly why.
But my kids are able to do something to me that no other being is able to do.
I find myself so fired up by those two little people sometimes that I can’t control myself.
And I yell.
I yell like a toddler tantrum-throwing banshee.
Sometimes I see fire come out, too.
I of course immediately feel extreme guilt right after I am done. Sometimes, even during. Like I can see myself from above and the stubborn part of me wants to finish just to make my point.
When the more rational, you know, grown-up side of me decides to pipe up, I catch myself mid-bark and immediately apologize, feeling horribly.
And they accept my apology. Every time. Because they love me and I love them, unconditionally. And we all mess up. And the times I don’t immediately apologize, I do so later that day, when all is calm. And they accept my apology then, too.
These instances don’t happen often, but when they do I am ashamed.Embarrassed. Guilty. But I try to remember that I am human and that this parenting thing is HARD.
I decided to share this today because in just a three day period, I have talked with two other mamas who have dealt with the exact same thing. And the horrible mom guilt that comes along with it.
The best advice I can offer when something like this happens is to just apologize. Show your kids that you too will mess up. But that you will make it right, as they should, too. And although we can’t always predict when these instances may happen, if you feel one arising, walk away. Breathe. And then return once calm.
I am here today to tell you that it’s okay, mama. You are not alone. I am almost certain we all have these moments.
And if you don’t ever, please. Please share all the secrets.