I have hardly exercised since we moved into our new home, but yesterday I went on a jog. Not very long. Maybe two miles.
It was cold outside and pretty foggy, though there were a couple of other people out doing the same as well.
And about half-way through I don’t know what came over me.
It was completely unexpected.
But I was consumed in my thoughts and I started bawling.
In fact, I might call it Ugly Crying.
I don’t know what song was playing on Pandora, but that song triggered images of a baby.
A little baby we don’t have, but are contemplating.
And there that baby was, in my arms.
I don’t know if I started crying because I yearn for this little baby, or the thought of adding to our family would be too much, or I am just tired of thinking about it.
I just don’t know and I can’t explain it.
I have no idea what neighbors were thinking as I ugly jogged. But I just kept going, letting those tears fall down my cheeks.
By the time I got home I was composed, and carried on the day as normal.
And I didn’t tell anyone what had happened while out that morning. Not because I didn’t want to. But because I didn’t have an answer as to why. An explanation. And I was just as confused by it myself.
I keep thinking about it, though.
Analyzing what it might mean…