Potty Trained Kids are the Pits

Once we (currently) outgrew the infancy stages in our home I thought we were home-free.

I thought we were going to once again rest peacefully through the night and maybe even dream of bunnies and unicorns.

Those bags under the eyes would diminish.

Those bloodshot eyes would once again be pearly white.

And we’d wake before our alarm, ready to tackle the day.

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What the hell was I thinking?!

Because now we have successfully (and maybe a little unwillingly) surpassed the potty training stage in our home and it’s JUST as bad as the infancy stage. Because no matter what time I restrict the liquids in the evening I can count on our youngest to wake up at LEAST twice (lately 3-6 times) in the night to use the bathroom. And yes, he goes before bed.

He goes to bed with a diaper on for any emergencies, and you’d think he would just go in the diaper.

Which I would be fine with! GO in the diaper, dude!

But nooOOooo.

He wakes. Thus, I wake. Thus, I take him. Thus, it means stumbling around in the dark, undoing the diaper, trying to make sure he doesn’t whiz on his jammies, changing those jammies if he does whiz on them, finding that diaper in the dark and putting it back on, and  finally crawling back in bed.

Then the older child wakes. To do the same thing. Usually about an hour or two before it’s time to wake up. And no, she won’t go by herself. She insists on telling me and that I go with her. So, I do.

You see? It never ends.

OH! And don’t even get me started about outings. Now I have TWO ticking bladder bombs just waiting to detonate at a moment’s notice. And tinkling before leaving the house does NOT ensure a smooth trip. Because as soon as that kid states he/she needs to go, you’d better drop the eggs (in a safe location) and book it for the bathrooms.

So my advice is this.

Don’t potty train your kids. Keep them in a diaper until they’re like 8. Heck, 10.

potty

 Via

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Have a great day!

 

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