Snitches, Prudes and Lame Ol’ Dudes- Bachelorette Recap 5

The  episode starts with the crew moving to France.  And I am envious.

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Josh Cubin is the one to receive the one-on-one date and it is composed in French, so we have no idea what they’ll be doing.

Andi sits down with Chris Harrison and is wearing a nice long turtleneck because…. He then pulls out of Andi that she is falling for more than one man.

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Josh Cubin and Andi start out by walking the streets a little bit and then hop on a big boat. They talk and I just sense that this Cubin fellow is a super fake. His laugh sounds fake. His tan is fake. His teeth are probably fake, too.IMG_4975

(Side-note: It’s about here that I realized I just can’t get very good pictures at my parents’ house on their TV combined with the super tired afternoon and so I sat down, kicked the recliner back and just zoomed in on my camera and realized that these pictures were good enough! So, that’s why they’re a bit crappy.)

After the boat they sit in wind and chat while overlooking the Mediterranean sea. She says she is just trying to figure him out and while doing so we are all bored. Until Josh Cubin gets crapped on by a bird. That is funny.

Fast-forward back to the guys’ house and JJ I Sew Pants informs Marquel that Andrew referred to him as “Blackie” and he is immediately pissed and angry. Then hurt and sad that he is going to be remembered as “The Black Guy” and I genuinely feel sad for him. He is really hurt. And then I ponder… wasn’t JJ I Sew Pants the one to stir up the Mandrama with Andrew about getting a girl’s number? Hmmm… is he a snitch, here? Is he now JJ I Sew Snitchy Pants?

I think so.

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Fast-forward back to the date and Andi and Josh Cubin sit down to talk and she wants to get serious. They have the “you’re an athlete and so I am having a hard time trusting you talk” and he reassured her that he is not that kind of a guy and never has been. In fact, that he has been cheated on before. But something just tells me that some ex-girlfriend of his is going to come on the show and tell Andi all about how many times he cheated on her.

I just have a feeling….Wait for it.

And then they walk into a…. PUKE.

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Private concert.

I’m starting to hate you, ABC.

The Group Date us up next and Andi hints that the in a relationship  communication isn’t always about speaking and some of the guys like where this is heading. Except they then learn they are going to be miming.

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None of them seem into it, they all claim to be horrible at it, but as soon as they realize they’re going to be performing in public. They’re just bad.  They try to act like they can get into this and work it. I would show you more from this scene but it was just flat-out boring.

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Later that night I Kiss My Own Muscles Cody and Nick get into it. Nick thinks he’s the front runner and Cody isn’t having it. Cody confronts him about it, and the rest of the guys gang up a little bit on him.

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Andi walks in and pulls Chris aside and wants the dirt. He doesn’t want to be the tattle-tale since those people always seem to go home, but she pulls the “my husband would tell me anything card” and gets Chris to spill the beans about Nick.

I Kiss My Own Muscles, Cody then sits down and willingly gives all the details about Nick in hopes of it sending him home. But we all know, this means he dug his own grave.

Andi then sits down with Nick and she calls him “salty” since he was a dud on the group date. She guilts him into confessing what he has done, and while he did admit to mocking Cody, he downplays it and he gets out of it all by reading a poem he wrote for her which completely switches her mood and it all ends with a make-out sesh.

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Well played, Nick. Well played.

Marquel then confronts Andrew about how he called Marquel “Blackie.” Once he hears this Andrew genuinely seems shocked and that this kind of comment is absurd and he would never say it. Marquel seems to possibly believe him and makes it clear that this sort of talk is not acceptable. Marquel now has mad respect from everyone.

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JJ I Sew Snitchy Pants receives the group date rose because he took her away on a ferris wheel ride and she liked that.

Fast-forward to the one-on-one with Black-Eyed Brian and their date is romantic and sweet as they watch a romantic cooking movie together. They then go shopping for their own ingredients to cook a meal just like in the movie and once they get back to her apartment it is WEIRD.

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There is no chemistry. There is not a lot of taking. Just silent chopping and Andi is wondering WTF.

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Their dinner sucks, so they go grab something to eat elsewhere. Brian realizes he effed that business up and tries to redeem himself by explaining why he sucked so bad. She takes the bait and basically asks him to kiss her more. So, he does and she likes it. Then she gives him a rose.

He decides he needs to take charge and gets up, leads her to the back of the kitchen and makes out with her. She says this made her see a future with him. Because THAT happens all the time in real life.

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Fast-forward back to the house and the guys are all feeling anxious and want to talk to Andi to say their last words to her. But, Andi tells Chris Harrison that she already knows who she wants to send him and doesn’t need more time for a cocktail party.

And the guys be all, “Oh shit.”

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They then all agree that the time they have with her is precious and that they shouldn’t be lame o n group dates anymore.

Fast-forward to the rose ceremony and she hands out her roses and the three men to go home are Marquel, Andrew and Patrick.

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I could care less about Andrew and Patrick, they were pretty lame, but not Marquel! He was funny and full of personality and his exit speech was SO sad. He says it wasn’t in God’s plan for him to fall in love right now but that Andi opened his eyes to it. He also says he isn’t anything special but that he just wants love and all of America says, “Awwww!”

Andi then announces to the remaining guys that they will be going to Venice.

The End.

So who do you think is Andi’s front runner?

Thanks for stopping by!

 

Comments

  1. Sherry Oswold says:

    Please don’t EVER stop writing these! Laughing out loud!

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