Iiiiiiiiiit’s baaaaaaAAAck! I must say, I’m not sure I am QUITE ready for another season of The Bachelor (I can’t believe I am saying this?) but maybe it’s because of how LAME-sauce The Pabs was last season?
Yeah. That’s got to be it.
I like this season’s bachelorette, Andi Dorfman, so I am having high hopes here that this season will bring me right back up to loving The Bach like I used to.
(All photos from ABC.com)
I tend to prefer The Bachelorette over The Bachelor for two reasons:
1- Not as many crying, whiny girls.
2- It’s funny when there are crying/whiny guys and I feel much better about poking fun at the men than I do the women. You know, self-esteem and all that business.
So, time to meet The Bachelors! – Warning, I am about to be a little judgmental here, and I only feel okay in doing so in that these people signed up for such a thing and thus I am just going to do it. Because I’m thinking it….
Andrew-Social Media Marketer: Is this going to be our new hashtag guy? Wasn’t there a guy from a previous season who spoke in hashtags? #Imnotsure #Ishouldknowthis. #Heseemsmeh. First impression…. Meh?
Bradley- Opera Singer: I immediately want to call him Braaaaaaaaahhhhhhhdley. First, because his name is Bradley (Braaaaahdley), and second because the man is an opera singer. First impression: I’m calling cheeseball who gets his feelings hurt.
Brett-Hairstylist- ALL I CAN SAY IS RAT-TAIL! Right?! Am I seeing this correctly? You are a hairstylist… CHOP that business! First impression: Rat tail. That is all I see.
Brian- Basketball coach- Basketball coach for whom? I need specifics,here. There’s a big difference between a professional team and his daughter’s city league team. First impression: Nice.
Carl- Firefighter- Says he’s got several tattoos and that his favorite flower is a Lotus. I’m not sure what to make of this man. First impression: He looks sleepy. Kindof like one of Snow White’s dwarfs.
Chris- Farmer- I was going to say this guy has got to be the clown of the show.. and then I read that he is a farmer. Are farmer’s usually funny? I’m not sure. First impression: Confused.
Cody- Personal Trainer- Of course he is. First impression: That shirt is two sizes too small and that flippy hair dookey thing is buggin’. And boy be spray tannin’.
Craig- Tax Accountant- Ummm… Boring? First impression: I don’t really have one. He’s average. Does he look a little high to you?
Dylan- Accountant- Says his favorite drink is apple juice. This guy has a kid. What grown man drinks apple juice who isn’t just finishing his kids’ leftovers? First impression: I am just not a fan of the greasy slickback bang curl.
Emil- Helicopter pilot- Says his favorite dance is Twerking. I would really like to see that. First impression: I am conflicted. My first instinct said “meathead” but the pilot thing threw me off. Maybe the “too good for everyone else” guy?
Eric- Explorer- What the heck does THAT mean?! Explorer?! Like, what? Magellan? Columbus? Dora? First impression: Dude lives with his parents or off his parent’s money.
Jason- Urgent Care Physician- AHH! That hair! I just can’t. Hmm.. Wait a minute. Urgent Care Physician. Maybe the hair is more McDreamy in person? Is he one of those? First Impression- Nice smile and bone structure. Could be Brad Pitt-like with a haircut. No? He’s also like that butter man. What’s his name? The “I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter” man. Let me google. Ahhh. There he is.
JJ- Pantsapreneur- What….the…. Have I lost it? Did my party planning the last couple months just totally throw me out of the loop? Someone please tell me this is a made-up thing he invented because he’s trying to sew a pair of pants and that it’s not a real profession? First impression- You know, I tried to get The Hubby to try on a sweater like this at Christmas and now I am so glad he refused….
Josh B- Telecommunication Marketer- Snooze. His whole bio was a snooze. First impression- Snooze.
Josh M.- Former pro baseball player- Nice smile? It’s a big one. Nice big smile. First impression: He might go far. With his big smile.
Marcus- Sports Medicine Manager- Umm… he’s 25. I know Andi is only 26 and I somehow still think I am right there with these people… but 25 just seems young. Or, I’m old. Ugh. Damnit. First impression: You’re young! Go out and find love on your own!
Marquel- Sponsorship Salesman- Is that a piece of purple pocket flare? I mean, I appreciate some style… But that is definitely some purple pocket flare. First impression: He might go far, too. Seems confident. With that purple pocket flare.
BAH! Sorry. Mike- Bartender- Now… BAH! NO. No. NO! This hair is NOT working! Hair stylist man! After you chop your rat tail… come chop this off, too! First impression: CHOP CHOP! Now HE is the butter man!
Nick S.- Pro golfer- Okay.. Rat Tail guy… after you chop off Mike’s hair… please give some of it to Nick S., here. Genetics have not been kind. Awww. I feel bad. Not his fault. But what IS his fault is that he is a pro golfer and snooze. First impression: Being a golfer’s wife seems SO boring. And hot. Not like “Ooo, that’s hot.” but like “Ooo I’m sweaty.”
Nick V- Software Sales Executive- This guy, too, had a snooze-fest for a bio. First impression: I’ve got nothin’.
Patrick- Advertising Executive- Seems okay. I’ve got nothing for this guy. First impression: seems nice and might go far.
Ron- Beverage Sales Manager- Hometown is Israel. Interesting… I dated a Ron whose family was from Israel. It wasn’t him. First impression: Nice smile. Might go far.
Rudie- Attorney- STOP! You are breaking the law with that outfit! This is the photo that is supposed to be used throughout the show and you choose THIS combo?! First impression: The fashion police need to revoke this lawyer’s license!
Steven- Snowboard Product Developer- And he looks like one. First Impression: He does a better bang swoop than I ever could. Seems fun. Might go far.
Tasos- Wedding Event Coordinator- I think he’s on the wrong show… First Impression: Not gonna happen.
I look forward to following along with this season of The Bachelorette and bringing a little commentary here and there. I hope you do, too!
Thanks for stopping by!