The episode starts out in Miami, the hometown of The Pabs. We first see The Pabs spending time with his daughter and family, and while talking with his super smiley cousin it should be noted that he says the one that stuck out from the beginning is Sharleen. That she is “elegant and different” and that she is an “oprah singer” and may be “the one.”
I think I need a friend this happy. How could you ever be in a bad mood?
Fast-forward and The Pabs shows up to the girls’ incredible new suite and hands Sharleen the date card personally, completely catching her off guard.
She doesn’t seem thrilled being told to leave in ten minutes so she can’t reflect on whether or not she should stay anymore. She awkwardly scoots upstairs while Clingy Clare says it just isn’t fair.
I should be a poet.
Oh, we do get some more reflection time from Sharleen as she looks at the ocean and tells us that while there is a lot of chemistry between the two of them, she feels like she is “still missing this cerebral connection that I so need” and if by the end of the day she doesn’t see that mental connection she would be wasting everyone’s time.
And I just kindof sit there with my lip curled because she just said “cerebral connection.”
Sharleen and JuanPabs start their date out on a yacht and the only thing they do is get comfy, say three sentences to one another and the make-out begins, as we can expect to happen during the yacht scenes of this show.
And that is all they do. She tells us that JuanPablo isn’t normally her type, but that she is attracted to him. And that seems to be it.
They discuss her opera profession and Sharleen states that she has normally put her profession before anything else, but that she likes change and basically would be willing to give it up.
The Pabs says ” I like that.” And they make out some more. And that solves that issue!
Sharleen then switches gears and tells us it has been a long time since she has felt this way about a guy and it feels good.
And I want to slap her.
Fast-forward to the evening portion of the date and to the camera JuanPabs states that he really wants to meet her family. Sharleen says that she needs to find if that mental connection is there by tonight, or else it won’t work.
So they rub noses.
They again make out which is a fantastic way to find that cerebral connection she so desperately yearns for. The Pabs then tells Sharleen that he likes the words she uses and how proper she talks. And she says she wishes she were a little dumber. You know, to be on everyone else’s level.
Fast-forward to the girls back at the suite and the next to get a date is Icky Nikki, and the first thing out of her Negative Nancy mouth is how she hopes she is not going dancing again as the other girls flare their noses and roll their eyes.
Fast-forward to Sharleen coming home from her date and she talks with Sweet Mama Renee about how unsure she is. Somehow, Sweet Mama Renee gives her totally sound advice. She takes the fact that she is her competition out of the equation and tells her she might regret leaving. This is why I love me some Sweet Mama Renee.
Fast-forward to Icky Nikki and The Pabs’ date and we learn that The Pabs is taking Icky Nikki to meet his daughter, Camilla, and the rest of the family at Camilla’s dance recital. And the first thing I think is, “Oh…………… no.” I would be absolutely horrified if I had to meet someone’s daughter AND family AND baby mama wearing Nikki’s outfit. Her shorts almost show some booty cheek and her bubbies are popping out of her shirt.
Horrified. I would beg to go home and change.
You remember the baby mama, don’t you? The super hot model mama? And his parents?!
I mean this would just be awful.
They meet, hug, and watch her recital. At the end Camilla talks with Icky Nikki and The Pabs first, and I see a glimpse of a “don’t you dare talk to my effing daughter, whore” look from Model Mom.
Fast-forward to the night and The Pabs takes her to his “office” which is where the Marlins play. And, once again, apparently Icky Nikki wasn’t informed where she was going and shows up wearing no bra and a super low-cut backless shirt and I can’t help but wonder how much tape is holding her in as she throws the ball around.
And there must not be THAT much because we catch The Pabs sneaking a few peeks.
She then reveals to the camera that she is in love with The Pabs, and she is the first girl to state this.
End of scene.
Fast-forward to Sharleen and she has made up her mind that she needs to leave The Pabs. She informs the girls and all they do is give her the pouty lip and ask her “Are you sure?”
They let her go since it’s now less competition and she knocks on The Pabs’ door and I am immediately loving her outfit. Dangit, I don’t want her to go solely because I want to see what else she’s got in her suitcases!
She starts talking with The Pabs and for some reason decides to whisper the entire break-up. He holds her like a little sick infant, cradling her face and rubbing it all over. Because have you ever noticed how much he rubs faces?
And then I can’t hear a damn word they’re saying and she leaves.
The Pabs immediately goes outside for some reflection and crying time. This man cries a lot.
Fast-forward to the group date with Clingy Clare, Sweet Mama Renee, Andi and Chelsea. They each get some time with The Pabs alone on the beach and I yawn. There is a rose up for grabs on this date which means the girl who receives it is secured to go on the hometown date. Andi cries with insecurity and so he cradles her face, which means she will probably get the rose.
Clingy Clare brings up her deceased father and the video he left for her potential husband and I think she just does this so that he will give her the rose.
Welp, no. The crying won this time and The Pabs gives the rose to Andi, which also means she gets to spend the rest of the date with him alone and the other girls go back.
Fast-forward to the girls back at the house and Icky Nikki and Clingy Clare get into a little cat fight. They call each other a bitch, say they don’t like each other and have a ridiculous back and forth girl-fight.
Fast-forward to the rose ceremony and the tension is high and it’s just awkward all around. Icky Nikki shows her very ugly side by giving the other girls the silent treatment and when left alone with Clingy Clare, won’t even look in her direction.
The rose ceremony then happens and really, no surprise, Chelsea goes home.
And another no-surprise, The Pabs cries like a baby and I am almost certain he wishes someone would cradle his face but not many people cradle faces so he is left to cradle his own shoulder.
Clingy Clare whispers loudly to Sweet Mama Renee that it was a huge mistake sending Chelsea home, insinuating it should have been someone else going home instead.
So we are now left with the battle of the bitches.
In one corner we have Icky Nikki and Andi and in the other Clingy Clare and Sweet Mama Renee.
Who’s it going to be left standing?
Right now I am unsure. Though I would love to see a knockout!