One Large Slab of Mommy Mayhem

You know when you are on Mommy Cloud Nine because your kids have been so sweet and you are so thankful to be their Mommy and life really just couldn’t be any better?

You know how good that feels?

Well, think of that feeling and then imagine the opposite.

I was feeling that “Mommy High,” for a solid few days, especially when THIS happened, but things quickly turned sour a  couple of days later.

I had to stop into a store one afternoon after a good workout at the gym, one that left my body tired and sore.  It was going to be a quick stop since it was nearing nap time, though, so it didn’t seem like a big deal.

I usually carry Calvin around in the carseat for quick stops, but since it was a warmish day outside, I decided to give him some fresh air and I carried him instead. We only needed one item, so Gwyn, Cal and I made our way to the back of the store where this item was located, but unfortunately, the store didn’t carry the exact item I needed.

This is when I should have left.

Instead, I got on my phone to tried and do a little problem solving. Meanwhile, Gwyn decided to try and pick up all the large, and very fragile, vases and apothecary jars. Looking up and seeing this, I bolted down the aisle in time to save myself from having to buy unnecessary broken glass particles. I then had to repeatedly tell Gwyn not to touch them while I cursed in my head at the store manager for putting breakables so low for little hands to touch… pff, who does that!? Clearly not thinking. And when I finally figured out what I needed I couldn’t seem to pry Gwyn away, so I pulled a fast one and gasped in excitement about something extraordinarily awesome that I “saw” on the other side of the store near the checkout line that we HAD to go look at.

This caught her attention, but by no means was she high-tailing it to the other end. Instead, as we walked she was picking up spools of ribbon, switching them out for prettier ones as we went, and then the damn Easter aisle was where we stalled out.

As she “oooed and awwwed” at every little thing while I tried to walk her down the aisle with Calvin on my hip, she did manage to grab a little Easter egg floral bouquet cheapie thing that I thought we’d just ditch in the checkout lane.

Finally in line, the rather long line, I might add, Gwyneth asked me if she could have every single piece of candy near the stand and asked “Why!?”  every single time I told her she couldn’t have them. And now Calvin wanted down to be near his sister but I wasn’t about to let him crawl around on that nasty floor so as he nose-dived for the floor I did everything I could to keep him on my hip.

It was nearing our turn and as I peered over the shoulder of the old lady in front of me, wondering what was taking so long, I saw that she had about fifty pieces of scrapbook paper that the cashier, who must have started working there THAT day because he was THAT slow, was ringing up one by one, making sure to be chatty Charles all the while.

Giving my hardest “Don’t you see my situation here you bastard!? Speed it the heck up!!!” look, it was finally my turn and my checkout process was rather quick, thank goodness.

On our way out, Gwyn saw that we were leaving and reached for the Easter egg bouquet. I told her that she could not have it and that we needed to go and that was when all Hell broke loose. Gwyn started wailing  away about wanting that damn egg bouquet and dropped to the floor.

Wanting to run away and hide myself, I tried not to look the other patrons in the eye because I didn’t want to confirm that they were indeed staring at our spectacle.

This was when I heard an “Excuse me…” and I thought, “Thank you! At least there are some good people left in this world,” thinking someone was going to offer to lend a hand… but no. Instead, I then heard, “Your son is about to lose his sock” coming from someone in line.

A little caught off-guard, I looked down and sure, I was about to lose Calvin’s sock, and just to prove a “I could care less about his effing sock right now” point, I almost ripped it all the way off his foot and threw it across the store… but I didn’t. Instead, I said “Oh, thank you” as I tried, yet again to pry my crying child’s limp body off the floor.

Do you have any idea how heavy a resistant child is to pick up off the ground?  Especially when you’ve got another child, weighing in at about 25 pounds or so, on your hip? Being already tired and sore didn’t help, either.

I couldn’t do it. I could not physically pick her up off the ground.

Now sweating, I frantically scoured the store for somewhere to put Calvin so that I could pick Gwyneth up.

I spotted a shopping cart behind me about ten feet away and scooted across the floor, since I was already on the ground, and put Calvin in the seat. I then wheelied t over to Gwyn, pried her off the ground and stuck her in the basket as I finally looked up with hair plastered to my sweaty forehead to the horrified faces of those who were still in line.

I gave them a nod, took a deep breath and wheeled my children out of there and fastened them into the car as I drove home to a screaming toddler the entire twenty minutes.

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I was just waiting for her head to start spinning and for green slime to come shooting out.

The rest of the day was filled with a cranky toddler, a tired, frustrated, worn-out Mommy and a bit fussier baby boy, too.

That day could NOT have ended any faster and while those times aren’t as often as the ones I savor, they sure do wear on a mama.

And with that, happy Tuesday!

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