I Forgot My Child in a Box.

I forgot my child in a box.

Before you go calling Child Protective Services on me, let me explain.

Last night I had a dream that some (unidentified) people and I were taking various items to another (unidentified) location, and because I couldn’t carry the items and my children all at once, I put everything and everyone in a gigantic box. And when I arrived at the destination, I pulled Calvin out of the box and put it to the side… and walked away.

It wasn’t until (I think) a couple hours later that I remembered my sweet Gwyneth was still inside the box. When I went back for her in a panic, I found her curled in the corner of the box, quiet. And she just looked up at me with her big blue eyes and got into my arms. And I hugged her.

I then woke up.

I felt strange and a little upset about it all day.  And I asked myself all morning what this dream could mean. After much thought, I think I know. And it makes me want to cry.

Since I have had Calvin, a lot of my attention has been focused on him. While all of her needs (and most wants) have been met, I haven’t had the time or energy to spend the kind of time we used to together doing the special projects and outings. And now that we are at my parents’ house for the month, I spend even less time with her. Which, to be honest, has been great for her. She has been incredibly busy planting her own garden, playing with a new water table, feeding the birds, running around outside, painting various things, and having a wonderful time. Most of these activities have been with her grandparents.

While this has been a tremendous help to me, allowing me to focus on Calvin and even get a nap here or there when possible, it has also made me miss her.  Like, really miss her.

Even as I sit here and reflect on that dream, I get a lump in my throat. I find myself playing images of her over and over in my mind.

I know things with Calvin will settle down eventually and I will have more energy and time, and until then I need to just keep doing my best to provide as much as I can for the both of them. And I will.

But I still miss her.

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