The Lock Out

Composed yesterday.

My daughter just locked herself in our bedroom. I thought kids did this when they were like… FOUR… not 21 months!

We were playing a little game where she would shut the door on me and we’d take turns yelling back and forth to one another. I’d then open the door, say “I see you!!!” and she’d crack up while shutting the door again.

Well on about round six of this game, I went to open the door and the knob wouldn’t turn. At first I thought the door was just stuck and if I just jiggled it more, it should open… right? Mmmm…. no. It didn’t.

I then tried explaining to my 21 month old how to unlock the door. PFFF. Yeah right. She just continued to play the game, yelling at me through the door as if everything were normal.

This is when the panic started to set in, but I knew that if I just called the hubby, he’d come home and free our stranded little baby daughter. Four phone calls later and no answer, the panic was really setting in now.

“What could she get in to? Gasp! She could turn on my husband’s fan that he sleeps with at night and stick her little fingers in there, slicing them off! She could drown in the toilet! Damn me for not putting that child safety lock on it yet! Egad! She knows how to pull the electrical socket plugs out and could zap herself bald! And then it’d take us another two years to grow that hair back! AhhhH!!!

These were all thoughts that were flooding my mind as I geared up to break the door down.

Since Gwyneth wasn’t screaming in terror… yet.. I decided to call a friend who I thought might know a thing or two about door knobs.

Really? Who knows about door knobs!? Silly, now that I think about it, but in that moment, I was reaching for anything. Well, she did in fact know a little, and after discovering that I don’t have the type that you can stick a bobby pin into, she was on the phone with her sister trying to figure out what to do.

Meanwhile, I remembered that the hubby slept with the window open last night and that it was probably still unlocked! Hallelujah!! I was going to save my daughter!

CrAP! Of course I changed into my little Betty Boop shorts when I got home and had NO shoes on! Trashy, anyone? And I also knew that outside of our bedroom window is an absolute mud pit. This is when I felt guilty for even pausing for not wanting to get my feet muddy. Shouldn’t I be running out there trampling through the mud to my daughter’s saving grace? .

……..Perhaps?

That’s when I spotted them. My husband’s slippers. Aha! Score! That’s what you get for not putting your shoes away!

So out the door I went and around to the side of the house where I discovered the side gate… stuck. I backed up a few steps, gave it a big slam with my shoulder and broke through. (We are going to need a new gate lock, btw.) Of course on the other side I landed in a puddle of mud…. not my slippers!

As suspected, the window was unlocked. Once the screen was off, I tried climbing through the window. Baha. Joke. I hoisted one leg up there and just looked like I was humping the wall. Fail. I even tried giving it a 1..2..3 jump… and pretty much just body slammed myself against the side of the house. Sorry, Little Man!

I then went into the shed across from our window and pulled out a Xerox box (with no lid). Perfect, a stepping stool!

PPPffffffffffff. What in the “h” was I thinking? Really? A Xerox box is going to hold me up?? It immediately crushed under me. Who did I think I was? Tinker Bell? Back to the shed I went, and this genius pulls out ANOTHER Xerox box thinking if stacked on top of the first crushed one, it’d hold me. HA! Idiot. I now had two crushed Xerox boxes and no baby in my arms. Back to the shed, a little digging around, and I came up with a small storage bin. Fiiiinally. This gave me just the little boost I needed to be able to hoist my big butt through the window and save my little darling.

When I got in the room I discovered no severed fingers and no drowning/bald baby. In fact, she wasn’t crying or even looking half-way worried.

I sure did learn my lesson though. When playing these games with daughter… ALWAYS be on the side of the door with. the. lock!!!

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

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